The Rant About American Media and Consumerism

I took a non-fiction writing class at The Loft a few years ago. One of the aspects of non-fiction writing was The Rant. I love to rant about the media. Here ensues a rant.

There is a TV in my kitchen. Unfortunately, during most cooking hours there is nothing on TV (we don't have cable). I was watching the local news while cooking dinner this evening. A reporter came on to tell about a study that somehow predicts that Americans are going to shop this year, for Christmas. The newscaster responds with, "That IS good news," and the reporter goes, "Yes, it is." Then he goes on to report on this whatever made-up study, and says, "This is the KEY to the holiday season."

Well, I had to switch off the television and rant out loud to my husband about how much I hate local news, because, really? That's the KEY to our economic woes? Shopping?? And here I thought that Americans were getting a dose of reality with all the foreclosures and excessive debt, and that we are shopping LESS, in order to preserve what we have. What's that blues song? "I don't want anything for Christmas, I just want to keep what I have."

Don't take me the wrong way. I like shopping. I like buying stuff, like any red-blooded American. (Where did that term "red-blooded American" come from anyway?) The thing is, if you read this blog, and any other mlogs (that's mom-blog, in case you didn't know), it's apparent that red-blooded American women are DIY-ing it in every arena of life, including Christmas gifts. I could probably point to half of my readers who would prefer my home-grown, home-pickled green beans to anything I could buy at a store. Am I right? The difference is that those pickled beans are a product of hard work, and they are made with love. I can see it in the recipient's eyes: love.

When the DIY-ers are reported on in the media, it's like, quaint. Like, isn't it quaint how she pickles beans or sews children's clothes or knits hats & mittens? Isn't it so cute & quaint? And oh, the money-saving part of it... well, whatever. It's like they are saying, we all know that overworked moms do this kind of shit to have a creative outlet to make them feel better about themselves. And isn't it cute? Something to admire, to be sure. But obviously a throw-back to "more simpler times," in a romantic way.

What's my point? you want to know. I don't really have one. But if I must sharpen it, I will say that I'm just so mad at our terrible news media. I said to my husband, "What gives them the right to say it's good news that people are going to shop?"

I must tell you that I recently watched "What Would Jesus Buy?" on Netflix. It's a documentary about The Church of Stop Shopping, starring Reverend Billy. I thought it would be a knee-jerk liberal reaction to consumerism, so I had low expectations, but it was heart-warming and funny. Reverend Billy is an actor, but he actually takes his message to the people very seriously. His choir is 100% behind him, and it's a beautiful thing to watch. They stage events where he preaches to the people, "Stop shopping!" And then he gets arrested.

I didn't grow green beans this year. I didn't pickle green beans this year. I don't know what gifts I will be giving to the people I care about. I have made one decision: I am giving up the "green" wrapping, and I am trading it in for shiny expensive paper and luxury ribbons. Because I do know one thing: it's not only the thought that counts, it's the presentation.

I Can Do It, Yes I Can!

I made a pot-luck dish that was completely gone, and I got to take home an empty Pyrex! People, I made a pot-luck dish that got completely eaten. I am telling you the truth. Me. I did that.

How? you say, How? did I, Jocinda, the health nut, make a pot-luck dish that got completely eaten? Well, I will tell you. I googled "potluck dishes" and "casserole recipes." Yeah, dude, the Internet. I used it, and I used it well.

The problem with being a health nut is that most people do not prefer your food. Yes, you. Your food. It's too healthy, too good for you, too "green" (or brown, as the case may be). Food needs fat, salt, and sugar. Fat in the form of dairy (cheese + cream + butter), sugar in any form, and salt in any form, but mostly table salt. Have you ever eaten "Ambrosia Salad?" I rest my case. (BTW if you have never had Ambrosia Salad, then you have a cultural deficit.)

I don't make casseroles because they always have some form of lactose, and my DH is lactose intolerant. Pot-lucks, in general, can be a smorgasbord of lactose-laden foods. "That was super-lactosen," as DH would say. And then we go home with gas.

However, being stumped with how to provide for the pre-school co-op pot-luck last Wednesday, I googled and came up with this recipe. Which was, did I mention? ALL EATEN.

What's it called again? Oh, yeah...


CHEESY RANCH POTATO BAKE

4 lbs potatoes (I used 7 potatoes, because I couldn't stand the idea of only 4 potatoes swimming in the lactose)

1/2 t salt (totally unnecessary)

2 t chilli pepper - that's a lot!

6 T butter - what???!!! No! Don't do that!

8 oz pkg pre-shredded colby-jack cheese

8 oz bottle Ranch dressing


Sounds easy, right? It totally is! Okay, so, pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees F. Cube the potatoes real small, like, 1/2 inch dice. And I love this direction: "Lightly grease a 9x13inch casserole dish." Lightly! Don't overdo it! Place potatoes, salt, and chilli powder in dish, dot with butter, cover with tin foil, and bake for 1 hour.

By now my mouth is totally watering from the fragrance of these chilli-bake potatoes. I swear to you, it felt like sacrilege adding the lactosen stuff. So next time, I am just going to eat these blessed potatoes by themselves. Anyway, you take out the dish and mix in the remaining ingredients, cook for 10 minutes. Oui La!

Link, you ask?

Bonus for readers: count the hyphens in this post and receive a special prize from me!

Sexy Smoked Salmon Sandwich

This sandwich is so good, I forgot to photograph it before I chowed it down.

Toast English muffins to your preferred crispness.
Layer on preferred amount of sliced smoked salmon (lox).
Spoon dressing on top of salmon.
Add preferred greens (e.g. arugula, watercress, frisee, mesclun).

Dressing:
Mayonnaise, dijon mustard, dried dill.

Let the Sky Rain Potatoes

M.F.K. Fisher is an American icon of food writing. I know very little about her, having just discovered her. She lived from 1908-1992, in California and France. Despite her pedigree, she was a very down-to-earth person when it came to food. She reminds me a little bit of Arianna Huffington. Someone who has the privileges of the rich, yet remains an advocate for the less rich. Rare.

M.F.K. wrote about potatoes more than once. At first, it seemed she despised the tuber, because it was served unceremoniously at every meal of her childhood. Meat & potatoes, meat & potatoes, meat & potatoes. Later, she wrote about its discovery. The glorious discovery of the potato, and then the monarchy that pushed its edibility on the poor, who then starved to death when the potato curated its own disease. And then later, she wrote about the wonder of the potato, describing its fluffiness with a sensuality I will probably never achieve on this blog.

Let me try to tell you about my own experience of potatoes, and then give you a new recipe.

My first intense potato experience was when I had my wisdom teeth out, at about age 13. All I wanted to eat was mashed potatoes, soft enough with cream & butter to be practically put through a straw. That magical food saved my life. I didn't want to die as long as I had mashed potatoes, with black pepper. I think there is somewhere a picture of me in bed recovering, with an almost-smile on my face, only because of mashed potatoes.

Years later, I tried to understand how to cook potatoes. My, my, my... they are hard to cook. Consider the varieties. I read "The Man Who Ate Everything" by Jeffrey Steingarten, who, in journalistic fashion, tried to master potato cooking, and dissected the starch content down to a science. It confused me more.

DH prefers long-cooked oven baked potatoes with thick skins. I prefer fresh red potatoes boiled softly.

My friend, who was a chef at the Modern Cafe for years, told me that he can easily cook gnocchi. "Oh, my!" I said, "Gnocchi is easy?"

"Yes, totally easy," he said. And then he went into all the complications of picking the proper potato. He warned me about farmer's market potatoes (too fresh), and of grocery store potatoes (too old). After a few minutes of this, I was tuning out. Because really, how can you know a proper potato for gnocchi? Please, spare me.


POTATOES WITH ROSEMARY & GARLIC

In a pan, heat olive oil.
Add diced potatoes.
Saute, adding a lot of rosemary and fresh crushed garlic, and of course, salt. Cover the pan and cook, stirring ocassionaly, for however long it takes, because as I've said before, I know y'all know how to cook!

It is an oily dish, but delicious!

I love potatoes, so much. Today at the grocery store I perused all the frozen types of potatoes, and I was totally grossed out. Let's just review a few of the grossest things available for purchase.

sweet potato fries
hash browns
tater tots
potato pancakes

None of these are good food. Even though I am a mom who wants desperately to make food more instant, I cannot, will not, serve this crap to my kid. And neither should you.

Except once in a while.

Noodle!

This morning as I was brushing my teeth, I was reminiscing that before Ariel spoke English, she would mimic noises to perfection, including the electric toothbrush. She has perfect pitch. A very reputable source told me that 95% of Asians have perfect pitch, compared with about 9% of Westerners. Can you say tonal language?

Not much of a segue here, but have I told you that Ariel's first English word was "noodle!"?

I am obsessed with noodles, so when I found out that was her favorite food, I swooned. Oh, yes, we will stay home all day eating noodles! My life will be perfect. And we, did in fact, stay home a lot, eating all day. It wasn't as romantic as I pictured it. My fantasy neglected to include cleaning the kitchen.

Her love for noodles has since been replaced by a variety of foodstuffs. But my obsession remains. The newest book I bought is Takashi's Noodles, a complex compilation of recipes, many of which seem to resemble fusion cooking, though poring through it again and again, I have yet to figure out Takashi's genius. It's like there's a ghost in the book that is trying to talk to me, but I'm not getting the signals. For example, "Corned Beef with Rice Noodles." ???

One problem is the ingredients. In the Japanese recipes, exotic fresh mushrooms and particular seaweeds are required. Also, things like Japanese mountain yam, and quail eggs. Even though I can get them, I don't know how to really use them, and they taste funny to my Western palate (and just forget about trying to sell this stuff to my family). I want to say it's earthy, but really it tastes quite like dirt and seaweed. I like a seaweed broth, but seaweed... well, let's just say, it's really good for you!

I bought the book on the recommendation of one of my favorite bloggers, and I really want to master yaki udon. Takashi's recipe has 18 ingredients, including finely sliced lotus root. A lot of ingredients I can get in a can, but compared to fresh, canned vegetables have a profound effect on the flavor of finely crafted Japanese food.

That, my friends, is why we go to restaurants. Let's all take a moment to be thankful for all the chefs who feed us better food than we can cook at home.

[insert moment]

Nevertheless, I have found several new ways to use ramen noodles, and I will tell you a secret. I have tasted many imported brands of ramen noodles, and Top Ramen kicks it for only 33 cents, or 10/$1 on sale. They are the best. But you don't have to use the MSG sugar packet for flavor. For a more fresh tasting instant (practically) meal, try minced garlic, sesame oil, hoisin sauce, soy sauce, miso, sugar, and a few fresh green veggies like peas, cabbage, or bok choy.

My current favorite curry is on page 99 of Takashi's Noodles. I use half the amount of chicken stock, and twice the coconut milk, because I only use the cream off the top of the can, and discard the water (don't shake the can before opening). Bamboo shoots come in a can, and are a great addition to any curry. Curry, I think, is pretty darn good wherever you get it, homemade or otherwise. It's even good from a package. I like cooking, so I make my own, and these days, DH likes making it too.

Soba noodles are featured prominently in the book, and I love them. They are delicious just with soy sauce and pickled ginger. Peanut sauce works well too, but instead of pouring sauce on these buckwheat noodles, which tend to get gloppy (you know how I hate gloppy Asian food!), use chopsticks to dip noodles into a small bowl of thin peanut sauce.

Lastly, I will leave you with something to ponder:

"Soba Gnocchi with Scallops and Celery Root Foam." (page 49)